This blog has gone through some schizophrenic episodes throughout the years. Looking back, there were a bunch of messed up times where maintaining this web space caused a tonne of anxiety. I didn't know what to write anymore. I think that I even put up a "sponsored post" about cars at one point (hummm I don't think I even got a cheque for that).

So hey you! Yea, the one staring into the browser screen reading my words. Sit down (or stand up) and let me tell you how this blog came back to existence.

Kill it! Seriously.

There are way too many blogs out there. A good chunk of these really good blogs also have really good writers behind them. Some have really interesting (and well researched) information in them too. I used to read 50 blogs in my RSS feed reader. Great blogs!

Then the age of the listicle came with BuzzFeed and everyone seemed to follow suit. You know what I'm talking about, the type of website content that had mostly top 10 lists like "The top 10 disney fairy princess represented by breakfast plates". They were interesting for a (short) while. Soon afterward, some of my favorite blogs started doing top 10 lists just to keep up with the readership. It marked the decline of the written word on the internet.

When I started writing lists on my website, I realized that I needed to kill my blog. My regular 250 word post about me and my experiences turned into product reviews and opinion pieces. Admittedly, that wasn't my style of writing and the blog was taken to the back alley and murdered. And in it's stead was a simple message that "there were a tonne of reasons why a website isn't here anymore." [in-editing]God! That is so melodramatic! But there is a lot of truth in that.[/in-editing]

Work, think. Work, think and journal.

I feel like a kid admitting that I keep a journal of sorts. So let me get a few things out of the way:

  • No, I don't write in it regularly
  • I don't publish it anywhere
  • I use Dropbox, date my files and just write
  • I use FocusWriter / iaWriter, but most days I just use good 'ol Vim
  • It's mostly just therapy and usually a last resort

My internal monologue really runs out of control, and people around me do really weird things. Most things that don't make sense to me at all. Some I end up laughing off, others really stress me out, a few that invoke murderous feelings and there are some incidents that cause some late nights tossing and turning. I find that for any of the latter ones, one thing that helps is if I just get up from bed, walk over to my computer, put on some music (maybe Adele) and write. [in-editing]Dear lord! I sound like an emo teenager in high school (maybe I should just grow out my hair, slick it forward and pull it over my eyes, wear tight jeans and carry a Hershel backpack).[/in-editing]

I promise you that in my journal I don't (always) start things off with "Dear journal".

Things and stuff

I feel like I obsess a lot about so many different things. In the last month, I've debated resource and process management in the iOS Fallout Shelter game, my black friday search for the best deal (and how I didn't buy anything), bike trainers and fat adaptation for athletic performance. While I'm writing this, I'm finishing a When I wrote this, I was finishing a Netflix produced Anime (Seven Deadly Sins). I obsess over things in the same way teenage girls post comments on their friend's Instagram selfies, "Gorgeous WTF! Your a bitch!". (God! It's YOU ARE, not the possessive unless you own the female dog and that doesn't even make sense!)

I live in my head a lot. So I needed a place to obsess.

Social media?!

When I talk, I need more than 140 characters. I can't tell a story just by a picture and I suck at lighting video. I absolutely hate the sound of my own voice. I really wish that I had a british accent or something then maybe I could put a podcast or vlog up. A filipino accent is grating and we sound like we're always trying to barter for a lower price.

Pictures in my instagram account are always poorly lit and terribly captioned, "Here is the spam, eggs and rice that I had for breakfast on a Saturday afternoon." And I don't understand how to use hastags in twitter, "This is me struggling to run #running #painfulgroin #kneepain #shitrunningoutofcharac.." There was a shortlived attempt to record a podcast, only to delete every recorded word when heard myself in editing.

Medium scares me because of all the big words everyone in there use. And in Facebook, friends and family would rather see pictures of the kids rather than hear my opinions and ramblings. So I'm obviously failing at social media.

Why exactly did you start it again?

In a nutshell...

  1. Still writing in my journal. Generally felt really weird writing in / to it, thought that writing a blog would make me seem more 'normal'.
  2. Obsess over things, needed an outlet to organize thoughts better.
  3. Sucks at social media. Misses the good 'ol days of a hosted website, cool content and walking 20 miles to school in the snow in sandals that cost 20 cents.

And that is why I decided to start my website up again.

13 Jan 2016